Archive for the 'Be a Man' Category

Date: June 23rd, 2008, Filed under Accountability and Responsibility, Be a Man, Entrepreneurship

Los Angeles, CA
By A.B. Dada
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I hate the idea of teamwork. In high school, a teacher used to tell me “There is no I in team,” to which I replied “That’s why I’m not part of the team.” Teamwork is an illusion created by those who want to control the team, or restrict individuals from progressing for their own selfish benefit.

I consult with businesses with a focus on increasing their efficiency. I have one person I answer to: the boss. I care little about middle managers or lower end employees, except for those who come to me with the only important question: “How can I do better for myself?”

Successful “teams” are not successful because they work together. They’re successful because the individuals within the team are out to better their own lives. A smart go-getter will understand that they do have to work well with others, but only if those others are also self-involved.

Look at professional baseball: it isn’t about team play, but about each individual taking advantage of their skills and trying to be the best man on the field. If an outfielder has to make a play at home plate, the focus is on him, not on the team. He wants to shine with a perfect throw that will be played over and over on the evening news. He wants his statistics at the plate to shine, too, so that youngsters can trade his card in delight at his high batting average or pitching stats. If he fails at that long throw to home, it’ll be on him. If he succeeds, it’ll be on him. It isn’t the teamwork that matters, it is making each play with perfection.

Do you remember even playing a little tag football and not getting a pass when you were wide open? Maybe you were ignored because you were just a team player. If you were the one who had the motivation to always make the touch down or at least the next first down, regardless of how many people were defending you, you’d get the pass. You’d then go to make the play. That’s how teams succeed: selfish individuals want to be in the spotlight. Together, when many selfish individuals triumph over conflict, some people will say “What a great team.” I don’t. I’ll say “What a great bunch of individuals.” Each one wants to be the one in the spotlight. What makes a great “team”? Competition from within, not competition against the enemy.

If you have a 9-5 job in a cubicle, you’re not really part of a team. You have a job, responsibilities, and if you focus on doing the best job you can, you’ll be in the spotlight. If you see someone ahead of you in rank and salary, it is in your best interest to find out what they lack that you can fulfill, and work to implement those tasks so your bosses and managers can see that you’re not a team player, you’re a profit-maker. The company that talks about teams is the company that would rather keep you in your place. It isn’t the top boss that cares, he needs bottom lines that make sense for him. His money is at stake, he wants to see a return that is better than sticking it in a savings account or a CD. Be selfish. Take risks. Find the reward. Replace the guy above you. Take his salary and send him to the bullpen. He’s not there to make your life better. Neither is the guy in the cubicle next to you.

Those who shine in business, in sports, in relationships and in life overall are those who take selfish calculated risks to make their lives better. They save their money rather than spend it extravagently. They stay out of debt. They don’t listen to what the Joneses are doing, or care about who is going to win the next fake singing or cooking reality show. They look at choices they can make, and try to find new choices that will make their lives better. Are you going to work tomorrow only to talk about which character is cheating on which character on Sunday night TV, or are you going to work thinking of how you can shine in front of your boss or his boss, so one day you can climb the ladder?

Are you sitting in your car or on the train or bus each morning, wondering why life is going nowhere, or are you thinking about what talents you have that you can sell to another employer who could pay you more to do more than you do now?

You’re not part of a team. You’re your own person, and no one will be looking out for you except for yourself. Jump today on the “There’s no team for me” bandwagon, and join me in finding ways to make your own life better today. Work hard. Save hard. Bring the spotlight to you. Do better for yourself.

Comments: 2

Date: November 12th, 2007, Filed under Be a Man

I remember my first encounter when a relationship blew up; I was hanging out with a guy who was dating what I considered a fantastic gal (beautiful, smart, and usually funny), and she happened to be there. I must have been 17, and we were at a local pub where I was admittedly underage. He’s a Brit, she’s American.

The girl was obnoxiously drunk, but my friend had maybe two pints in him over 4 hours. We were at the pub to watch some professional game of some kind, and him and I happened to work in the same consulting industry, so he invited me to the game. She tagged along because she was insecure of him being at a bar with the boys for some reason.

Read this entire article at the Be a man site.

Comments: none

Date: September 6th, 2007, Filed under Be a Man

In the past 4 weeks, I’ve had not one, not two, not even three but four guy friends “challenge” me with trying to find a solution with a common problem they’re all having: how to deal with the insecurities of their girlfriends (not wives, not fiances). Most of the guys have been dating the ladies for 4-6 months, and all of them have the exact same concen: their girlfriend is jealous, fearful, badgering, controlling, and over-inquisitive of what the guys are doing when they aren’t with them.

Read this entire article at the Be a Man site.

Comments: none

Date: February 26th, 2007, Filed under Be a Man

Since rebirthing this site, I’ve started to receive more e-mails than ever before — thanks to StumbleUpon and other collaborative networks. I appreciate all your e-mails and questions, and even your criticisms and complaints.

Last week I received quite a few critical e-mails from both friends and people who were new to the site. The most common criticism is reports of men who told me that their relationships with their wives broke all the rules in the beginning, and their relationships are fine. I’d like to address these criticisms with my experience of dealing with women in my 18 years since becoming a man.

Read this entire article at the be a man site.

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Date: February 22nd, 2007, Filed under Be a Man

A few weeks back I was out with a friend of my brother’s, and he happened to be hitting on a cute gal he just met in a bar. I casually listened in to his conversation with her and made a bet with myself that he would end up without her number. I was right. He broke almost every rule that I set forth, but he also broke a rule I haven’t really covered before — don’t lie.

You’ll hear it from every “dating expert,” but few have good reason behind it. I’ll get past the first and most obvious reason why you shouldn’t lie to a woman…

Read this entire article at the Be A Man site.

Comments: none

Date: February 20th, 2007, Filed under Be a Man

Back in January, I received the following e-mail from a reader who wanted to delve deeper in gaining the eye of a woman they’re interested in — especially one they meet when they’re out in public, but not a particular social event.

I like your articles. All of them have been very clear and understandable, you are a talented writer. The one thing that I always seem to have a problem with is initiation of a conversation. How do you talk to a woman that you find attractive, without seeming like a creep? What needs to be done to have that woman interested in you in your first encounter? What can I say to initiate a conversation, that isn’t too personal, but will also hopefully lead into a longer more diverse conversation with her?

Read this entire article at the be a man site.

Comments: none